Finally well enough to write…

…As I sit in my private bathroom the din of the overhead fluorescent light makes it hard to focus on much at all.  I strain though…break through the sickening buzz, try to think of the world outside, how many mundane things I took for granted.  The fluid in my lungs, renal failure, and a full body scarlet rash are just some of the reminders of the chemical gauntlet I’ve run the past three weeks.  Things after my first treatment are certainly on the up and up, yesterday I received a bright yellow livestrong poster from my town (even signed by the mayor and others who attended the bone marrow drive), it said, “Give Cancer the Middle Finger”, I think I’m going to use my whole fist on that fucker.  

Everyday in this place is like the same scene from the same movie, it just depends on which character I play.  Sometimes I’m Robert DeNiro in Michael Cimino’s THE DEERHUNTER telling my Doctor’s they’ve got to find a way to “Put more bullets in the gun”, other days I play the opposite role of Christopher Walken looking back at the medical staff in utter terror, responding incredulously, “More bullets in the gun…what are you crazy?”


29 responses to “Finally well enough to write…

  1. Dear Jonathan,

    Greg here. Both Janet and I are with you buddy, and we are praying for your speedy recovery. A day has not gone by when we do not think of you and your struggles. If there is anything that we can do for you, please let us know. Let us know when we can visit you as well. With lots of support and prayers – Greg and Janet

  2. Jonathan… As I have watched you go through this ordeal, I am amazed at your power and strength. I am thrilled you have had a couple of “good” days and you are looking so well. I love you and so glad I am here. Thank you.

  3. Hi! Thinking about you all the time. Miss you lots. Once I figure out how to post a picture, you’ll get the adventures of Gato Deluxe. Intrigued? You should be! More soon…

  4. Jonathan,
    It was wonderful to hear your amazing spirit coming through your blog comments. You are back! Does everyday feel like “Groundhog Day”? Ha! The first and last thing I do everyday is pray for you and then I pray about every hour in between. I know our prays will be answered and we will celebrate together next Thanksgiving. Give your mom and Sarah a big hug for me. Keep fighting. Love, Aunt Debbie

  5. Uncle Jack and Aunt Bonnie

    Keep up the fight! We’re overjoyed that you’ve been improving Your mother and your Sarah are gifts to you and should be held close to your heart!
    It’s extremely special that everyone is praying for for you and it shows by your improvement. It’s terrific that Joyce, Gregg, and Annette have taken the time to be with you and I look forward to be there myself.
    Ask Gregg if he gave your mother a special piece of cloth given to me by Dave and Rosemary Rodriquenz.

    You’re spirit is indomitable….don’t EVER lose it!

    Love from all

  6. Dear Jon,
    So glad the corner has been turned.The warrior in you continues to reach new heights. Know that you have an army matching on this path with you. Uncle Ed’s and my heart rise and fall with each step, but we know this is the only way to victory.
    I hope you and Sarah get some serious dancing in. It’s pretty intimidating trying to write anything after reading your blog. But we just have to accept the fact that you are exceptional! We already knew you were amazing.
    Love Aunt Diane and Uncle Ed

  7. Jon,
    It is so great to read your blog! Keep it up. You are in Janice and my thoughts and prayer each day…..we think about you and what you are going through all the time. Infact, I talk about you a lot at work, to my friends and collegues…they are pulling for you too! We are so happy you are starting to feel better. When is the transplant?

    Should I still come visit in December? It would be like Dec 12-14th. As I told you on the phone, I have to come to San Fran but would love to take a detour to come see you. If you dont think it would work (or maybe its just too stressful), just let me know.


    Cousin Adam

  8. Jonathan,

    I went to Abbot’s Habit on Sunset this morning and thought of you – pictured you working on your screenplays there – i can’t wait to see you hard at work there again soon! It was so good to hear your “voice” through your blog entry – you are amazing and your strength is such an inspiration. I think about you many times throughout each day and send you all the positive energy I can find – I even borrow it from my friends to send to you :). Love you,

  9. Jack and Wendy

    Dearest Jonathan,

    Thank you for sharing your blog with us…. your dear Mom has kept us updated daily about your progress. We know you are driving the nurses a little bit crazy and kicking butt!!!!!

    We send our prayers, positive energy and love to you, your Mom and Sarah!

    xoxooxo Jack and Wendy

  10. Dear Jonathan,

    I am thinking of you every minute of every day and wish that I could be there with you. Your courage and perseverence in the face of this challenge are an inspiration to all of us and we are praying each day that you continue to get better. You are strong like your father and I know that you will be victorious. Thank God you have such a wonderful mother and girlfriend taking care of you while you tackle this treatment and therapy. Although I can not be there with you physically I am with you spiritually. I am praying that you will get better and look forward to seeing you again soon. Although I have been reluctant to call you on the telephone I have been monitoring your progress daily through your mother’s emails. I’m so glad you created this ‘blog site’ so I can send you my love and best wishes. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Just take it one day at a time and always remember how proud we are of you and how much we love you.

    Uncle Bobby

  11. Hey Jonathan,

    Your dear mom is keeping me posted on things out there on the west coast…we are praying for you both (by Name) twice a day in Kindergarten. Love the “blog” idea. Have sent it to my girls to read as well….we all love you to pieces…my love to Sarah and “herself”…..

  12. Hi Jon,
    I’m so happy to hear that you have rec’d the Livestrong Posters we sent you! 🙂 I hope that you draw strength and fight when looking at those posters, knowing how many people are in this battle w/ you. I just know that in the end you will look cancer in the face, laugh at it, flip it the bird and walk off into the sunset w/ Sarah and your family. Keep dancing w/ Sarah and reading w/ your mom. These are the moments to focus on during all of this. I think of you and your mom every day.
    Nicole 🙂

  13. Jon, I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting you but I’ve had the privledge of growing up with your Dad and knowing your wonderful mother. I’m glad you are enjoying the Livestrong posters. I’m also going to send you some Livestrong bracelets so you can distribute them to your team. I continue to wear mine every day; I haven’t taken it off in over 4 years. It’s all about attitude and you definately have it. I’m very inspired by your strength and courage ( I know your Dad would be very proud of the man you have become) and you are very blessed to have Sarah in your life, another person I have never met but she sounds amazing.
    I wish you a continued recovery and can’t wait to see you home in Leominster. I look forward to meeting you. Give your Mom a big hug, and have a great week.
    God Bless You,
    Gary Andries

  14. hey buddy, i think about you every day brother…i just wish that i could be there every day like sarah and your mom. i was talking to mrs. hudson the other day and she wanted to know how Mad Dog was doing…haha…..i told her that you were on top your game. keep it up buddy….paddy

  15. Kristin and Frank

    Hey Jonathan! We think of you daily! I saw this the other day and thought of you.

    Cancer is so limited that:

    It cannot cripple love
    It cannot shatter hope
    It cannot corrode faith
    It cannot destroy peace
    It cannot kill friendship
    It cannot suppress memories
    It cannot silence courage
    It cannot invade the soul
    It cannot steal eternal life
    It cannot conquer the spirit

    Stay strong! Kristin

  16. Sara, Don, and Donny

    Hi Jon –

    We are saying prayers for you every night. I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better. We are a family of fighters – the little guy definitely showed me that.

    I may be in LA early next year, so I’ll keep you posted.

    Can’t wait until we can all be together for the holidays. You, your Mom, and Sarah should still play “Loaded Questions” on Christmas.

    Sara, Don, and Donny

  17. Lucille Thonis

    Dear Jonathan,

    I continue to send you healing energy. I think of you every day. Today when I started a healing session, I tested your energy level before and after.
    You were fairly high to begin and much higher when I ended the session. I am so grateful to your Mom for keeping me updated.

    I love you, Jonathan, and know you will win this “battle”. I admire your strength.

    My love to you and Sarah.


  18. Hey my dearest Jonathan!
    you continue to amaze me in your strength through this very hard time. I could not help but laugh out loud at my computer when you mentioned the whole “giving the whole fist”
    As i said to you in the email, just take things day by day. know that you have the BEST family, DUH!, who is continually supporting you and keeping you close to our hearts. Also keep a documentation of this because knowing you, you will have a grammy winning movie coming out about this… AND I will be your leading lady! i really hope that you continue to get better and i cant wait to give you a big hug!! Now that you have this blog, i will be commenting it on the regular. i love you so very much and know that i am always here.
    Love Angelina

  19. WOW so nice to see all the warm wishes flying through the air heading for the west coast. happy that you are doing well our thoughts and prayers are always with you when you get better and are able to travel head east and then turn south to tampa love aunt lana and uncle vince

  20. All the crew here say hell-o and we are in for the long haul .Love HM crew

  21. Hello my friend….
    To think positive about anything that might not feel all that good is LIVING STRONG!
    You are a true being that always deserves a THUMBS UP!
    Kelly and I will keep the positive vibrations flowing…! so much love.

  22. Leslie (Freda) Duval

    Hi Jon,
    I happened upon your blog by clicking on an old friend’s facebook profile. Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You’ve got AMAZING strength Jon. Be well.
    A friend from long ago,
    Leslie (Freda) Duval

  23. Jon,

    When you give the sickness ye ole “Fuck Off”

    We’ll kick back over a great meal and the conversations that always could strengthen me and challenge us both.

    I look forward to all the stories you constantly weave when pays us all a visit next.

    Kick ass and love the triumph!


  24. Jon,

    When you give the sickness ye ole “Fuck Off”

    We’ll kick back over a great meal and the conversations that always could strengthen me and challenge us both.

    I look forward to all the stories you constantly weave and who pays us all a visit next.

    Kick ass and love the triumph!


  25. Adam, Jason, Brian and I wrote you a Thanksgiving Day message from my brother’s beach house but for some reason it didn’t go through so I’m writing again( when you get well you and Sarah have to come and spend some time at his place!) .Uncle Bobby was horizontal on the couch but he sends his love too! We are glad to hear that you are moving to the next step of your treatment and we gave thanks to your donor too . He is another miracle. You are on your way! Love, Auntie Debbie

  26. Put on more photo’s. Say hello to Sara,welcome back

  27. Lucille Thonis

    Dear Jonathan,

    Looks like there are a lots of beautiful souls praying for you. I have not stopped since the day you moved back to CA.

    I know that you are back in the hospital and not feeling well. Try to be positive and believe that GOD wants you to heal. I love you.


  28. Pretty! This has been a really wonderful article. Many thanks for
    providing these details.

  29. Your writing is your legacy Goss. Never forgotten.

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